A Quiet Book Review: Susan Cain’s Extraordinary Look into the Importance of Introverts

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking is a new book by Susan Cain which delves deeply into the world of introverts. After reading many very positive reviews of the book I, being an introvert myself, had high expectations for this book. Without a doubt Quiet met my high expectations and much more. This is a must have book for anyone who is an introvert or needs to interact with introverts including; spouses, children or co-workers. This wonderful book provided many insights into my own behaviors but also provided me with a practicable guide to working with project teams. Additionally, my wife, a special education teacher, finds the material very appropriate for teachers with introverted students in their class – which in reality would be any teacher.

The book is divided into four parts:

Part 1: The Extrovert Ideal – Covers the rise and myths of extrovert leadership in our society

Part 2: Your Biology, Your Self? – Reviews the biological difference between introverts and extroverts and the resulting impacts

Part 3: Do all Cultures Have an Extrovert Idea? – Explores the differences in views of the extrovert ideal in American and Asia

Part 4: How to Love, How to Work – Provides life lessons for dealing with introverts

What follows are just some of the highlights from each section.

Part 1: The Extrovert Ideal
One of the most interesting aspects of this section is how extroverts came to be seen more prominently in the American society. Cain expertly traces the rise of extroverts in America and offers insights into why other countries view extroverts less prominently.

We are then allowed to follow the author as she visits the extrovert havens of a high energy Anthony Robbins seminar and Harvard Business School. Not surprisingly we don’t tend to find many introverts at either gathering. Along the way Cain lets us in on some research that does surprise us – group brainstorming sessions are less productive, in terms of idea quality and quantity, than individual brain storming. These findings have significant implications for business and project managers.

Cain also shows the impacts of the new open office layouts which are becoming more popular in business settings. The impacts are not the anticipated positive ones to increase collaboration but are found to instead increase anxiety and employee turnover. Oops!

Part 2: Your Biology, Your Self?

Part 2 is where we jump into the biology of introverts and extroverts and resulting ramifications of not listening to introverts. This section begins with a clarification of the difference between temperament and personality. Cain reveals how research has shown that our introvert/extrovert temperaments as teenagers and adults can be predicted when we are only four months old.

Of more consequence we begin to understand the situations where introverts can be both better leaders and negotiators than their extroverted counterparts. Cain also explores the Winner’s Concept which plagues many extroverts and had a hand in the financial recession of 2008. This section makes me want to make sure an introvert is managing my financial investments!

Most importantly for introverts we learn how to better deal with the made for extrovert situations we dread so much; such as when we need to make small talk with groups and give presentations. Quiet contains wonderful tools to help introverts survive these challenging situations.

Part 3: Do all Cultures Have an Extrovert Idea?

In this section Cain provides a brief but informative comparison between the American and Asian cultures. This section and chapter is a helpful guide for creating better relationships with Asian co-workers.

Part 4: How to Love, How to Work
Cain saves the best for last! In the final section, we learn how can better live, love and work as, and with, introverts and importantly for teachers and parents, how to best facilitate young introverts in their learning and development.

For me this section explained why I have a hard time following my wife’s conversation at dinner and why I should never refer to my daughter, or anyone for that matter, as being ‘shy’. In addition we learn how to assist our introvert children with noisy settings such as play dates.

The insights into questions that parents should and should not ask of their kids after school, such as never ask the general question ‘How was your day?’, can also be applied to my work as a project manager when interacting with team members.

Conclusion

Simply put, Quiet is a very well researched and written book about the life of introverts. It is a must read for anyone who is or associated with introverts. I expect in some cases this book could be a life changer for many introverts.

Many kudos and thanks to Susan Cain for writing such a helpful and thought provoking book. Keep up the excellent work and championing for us introverts!

Situations Matter by Sam Sommers: A Review

Situations Matter: Understanding How Context Transforms Your World is a new book by Sam Sommers whose goal is to demonstrate how situations influence our thoughts and behaviors. The book more than accomplishes this goal by also providing techniques to interpret situations that are influencing behaviors and providing techniques to better respond to these situations.

The author starts by recounting an experience in which he and his wife missed a connecting flight and how he interpreted the situation to negotiate a hotel voucher from the airlines customer service agent. In this case the author explains how he considered the situation in which the agent was operating to successfully frame his request. The lesson is that the agent is not a heartless ogre who did not want to assist the stranded travelers but instead an amicable person who was put in a tough situation by the airline. This discussion is very well aligned with the powerful negotiation techniques presented by Stuart Diamond in Getting More: How to Negotiate to Achieve Your Goals in the Real World.

Sommers then discusses why, when presented with three game show hosts to tutor our child, we would immediately pick a certain one since he is viewed as more knowledgeable based on the game show that he hosts.

The remainder of the book covers several specific situational topics as I outline below.

WYSISYG – What you see is what you get. In this chapter, Sommers explains how we respond to what we see and discusses why we do not typically analyze and interpret the specific situation. In particular there is a discussion on how westerners will focus on a main object in a picture while those from eastern cultures look at the entire picture- frame and all! The most interesting analogy I found in this section was comparing the 2006 Olympics Opening Ceremony in Atlanta with the 2008 Olympics Opening Ceremony in China. As you may recall the 2008 games in China opened with 2008 people playing the drums while the 2006 games in Atlanta opened with a single performer – Celine Dion. Interesting insight indeed!

Help Wanted – In this chapter Sommers explores the perplexing reasons of why people in crowds will not assist those in need. Many real life examples along with results of studies (including the famous Good Samaritan study conducted at Princeton University) demonstrate that we will shirk responsibility when we are in the mix of a crowd as opposed to being alone.

Sommers also provides his insights onto the infamous lack of crowd response to the extended assault on Kitty Genovese in Queens during 1964. This is the classic case study of crowds which analyzed in many other books include Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point. Overall this chapter is an impressive synopsis as to why crowds affect our responses and behaviors.

Go with the Flow – This section introduces the Crows Whisperer aka ‘Super Fan’. This is the guy at sporting events who gets you to break out of the norms and scream passionately for your team. The most important take a ways from this chapter are techniques that can help you break yourself and others from the crowd affect that paralyze us during emergencies.

You are Not Who You Think You Are – In this section, Sommers presents evidence that we not only view others differently given the situation, but we also view ourselves differently. The results of several research experiments show that depending on our location and context we will identify ourselves differently. The author also gives great advice on how we should view ourselves as opposed to how many ‘self help’ experts try to convince us to view ourselves. Overall this is a well written and very insightful chapter for understanding how we view ourselves.

Love and Hate – The final two chapter address how and when we love and hate are both influenced by situations. In the love section Sommers outlines the situational influences that affect who we end up choosing to date and marry as opposed to the traits we seek in a mate.

In my opinion, the chapter on Hate is the most important in the book. Finally, someone has addressed why we have a hard time initially distinguishing people within different ethnic backgrounds. This is a critical concept for anyone to understand when they interact and work with people who we do not classify within one of our ‘in groups’. This section also provides useful lessons for Project Managers who need to manage a team that consists of different groups, organizations or backgrounds.

My conclusion is this is a great book for helping to remind us that when viewing and judging the actions of others we need to consider their situation. It’s main strength is that it also provides insights and strategies for dealing with the potential harm of crowd affects along with overcoming biases, both our own and others.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who interacts with other people. For further reading on these topics I also recommend reviewing the author’s blog.

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